13 Reasons Friendships End
Real talk, plus expert strategies for closure and growth!
Have you ever had a moment where a person you used to be friends with crossed your mind, and you started to wonder why and how the friendship ever came to an end? I think more often than not, we enter into friendships, we aren’t so worried about their dissolution. I mean, after all, we’re focused on building something here as opposed to tearing it down. At any rate, it’s worth noting that not all friendships are built to last a lifetime. In fact, there are many reasons why friendships can come to an end. Here are 13 possible reasons:
1. Growing apart
As people change and develop different interests, values, and goals, they may no longer feel as close to their friends. Dr. Andrea Bonior, a clinical psychologist, suggests that people should focus on accepting the natural evolution of friendships over time and finding new ways to connect.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Communicate openly and honestly about the changes in the friendship, and try to find ways to stay connected on a level that works for both parties.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Blaming or criticising the other person for growing apart, or clinging to the friendship out of guilt or obligation.
2. Distance
When friends move away, it can be difficult to maintain the same level of closeness. Dr. Marisa Franco, a clinical psychologist, recommends that people should make the most of the communication tools available to them, such as video calls and social media, to stay connected with long-distance friends.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Acknowledge and respect the distance, and find ways to stay connected despite the physical distance, such as video chats or written correspondence.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Acting as if the friendship is over, or being resentful towards the other person for moving away or becoming distant.
3. Betrayal
If a friend breaks trust by gossiping, lying, or spreading rumours, it can be difficult to repair the relationship. Dr. Robert Firestone, a clinical psychologist, suggests that people who have been betrayed by a friend should try to process their feelings and build healthy boundaries before deciding whether or not to confront the friend.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Set clear boundaries and expectations for the friendship going forward, and communicate openly and honestly about how the betrayal affected the relationship.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Ignoring or minimising the betrayal, or seeking revenge or retaliation against the other person.
4. Misunderstandings
Communication breakdowns or misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings and resentment. Dr. John M. Grohol, a psychologist and founder of Psych Central, recommends that people practise active listening and use "I" statements when expressing their feelings to prevent misunderstandings in friendships.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Seek to understand the other person's perspective and feelings, and be willing to apologise and make amends for any misunderstandings.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Holding onto grudges or blaming the other person for the misunderstandings, or avoiding difficult conversations about the issue.
5. Jealousy
If one friend feels envious of the other's accomplishments, possessions, or relationships, it can create tension in the friendship. Dr. Margaret Wehrenberg, a clinical psychologist, suggests that people who struggle with jealousy in friendships should focus on building their own self-esteem and gratitude for what they have.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Be honest and open about feelings of jealousy, and work together to find ways to manage these feelings and maintain the friendship.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Reacting defensively or aggressively to feelings of jealousy, or letting jealousy consume the friendship and lead to resentment.
6. Time constraints
As people get busier with work, school, and family obligations, they may have less time to spend with friends. Dr. Samantha Boardman, a psychiatrist, recommends that people prioritise self-care and make an effort to maintain their friendships by scheduling regular catch-up calls or get-togethers.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Be understanding and supportive of each other's busy schedules, and find ways to stay connected even when time is limited.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Becoming resentful or angry towards the other person for not having enough time for the friendship, or putting excessive pressure on the friendship to always come first.
7. Personality clashes
If two friends have very different personalities, they may find it difficult to relate to each other or resolve conflicts. Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, suggests that people who have personality clashes with friends should try to see things from the other person's perspective and find ways to compromise.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Focus on shared values and interests, and seek to understand and appreciate each other's differences.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Trying to change or fix the other person, or avoiding the other person altogether because of personality clashes.
8. Disagreements
If friends have different opinions on important issues, it can lead to arguments and tension. Dr. Guy Winch, a psychologist and author, recommends that people practise active listening, validate the other person's perspective, and seek common ground when they disagree with a friend. Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201905/what-to-do-when-your-friends-have-different-opinions
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Communicate openly and respectfully about disagreements, and be willing to compromise and find common ground.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Resorting to name-calling or insults during disagreements, or refusing to listen to the other person's perspective.
9. Lack of effort
If one friend feels like they are doing all the work to maintain the friendship, they may start to feel resentful. Dr. Nicole Issa, a licensed therapist, suggests that people set clear expectations and boundaries with friends who don't make an effort to maintain the friendship, and focus on building relationships with people who share similar values.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Show appreciation for each other and make a concerted effort to stay connected, even if it requires some extra effort.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Taking the friendship for granted and expecting the other person to do all the work, or avoiding the other person altogether because of the lack of effort.
10. Life changes
Major life changes such as marriage, having children, or starting a new job can shift priorities and make it harder to maintain friendships. Dr. Ashley Hampton, a licensed therapist, recommends that people acknowledge and communicate about major life changes with their friends, and make an effort to find new ways to connect and build shared experiences.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Be understanding and supportive of each other's life changes, and find ways to stay connected despite these changes.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Resenting or blaming the other person for the life changes, or letting the life changes consume the friendship and lead to distance.
11. Toxic behaviour
If a friend is consistently negative, critical, or draining, it can be exhausting to be around them. Dr. Perpetua Neo, a clinical psychologist, advises that people set boundaries and prioritise their own mental health when dealing with friends who exhibit toxic behaviour, and consider seeking professional support if needed.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Set clear boundaries and prioritise your own mental health, and seek professional support if needed.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Continuing to engage in the toxic behaviour or allowing the toxic behaviour to continue unchecked.
12. Infrequent communication
If friends don't stay in touch regularly, they may start to feel like strangers to each other. Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert, suggests that people should adjust their expectations and recognize that some friendships can thrive even with infrequent communication, as long as both parties are open and understanding about each other's busy schedules and life circumstances.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Adjust your expectations and find ways to stay connected despite the infrequent communication, such as scheduling regular catch-up calls or visits.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Assuming the friendship is over or becoming resentful towards the other person for not staying in touch enough.
13. Changes in values
As we go through life, it is normal to grow and evolve in different areas. If one person’s values shift in a direction that is incompatible with the other, it can create a rift in the friendship. Dr. Juliana Breines, a social psychologist, recommends that people who have different values from their friends should try to focus on shared experiences and find common ground, and also recognize when it's time to let go of the friendship if their values are too incompatible.
Behaviours to embrace in this situation: Focus on common ground and shared interests, and have respectful and honest conversations about the changes in values.
Behaviours to avoid in this situation: Ignoring or dismissing the changes in values, or becoming confrontational or judgmental towards the other person's values.
Made Up Mind content should never be mistaken as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Information published to this website or by this brand is not a replacement for medical advice. Please consult qualified health or mental health professionals with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your mental health.
