How Do You Handle Difficult People at Work?
Insights from mental health experts, and a scene from NBC’s “The Office”
Before we get into today’s post, I just want to share that writing this post began from a very personal place for me. I recently transitioned from self-employment into sales, and then into a traditional day job. And although I am not a normal day-job type of person, I had thought that with the corporate job I had accepted would be an environment where direct and clear communication were valued. Unfortunately, that was not the case.
I’ve dealt with difficult situations and behaviours of others in the past, and I’m hoping that some of the strategies I’ve learned and successfully applied elsewhere can be successfully applied here as well. I also did some additional research to provide you with what mental health professionals have had to say about the strategies I am going to share with you today.
Dealing with difficult people at work can be challenging, however, there are a few strategies that can help you handle these situations effectively. Let’s take a look.
1. Stay Calm and Professional
When dealing with a difficult person at work, it's essential to remain calm and professional. If you get upset or react emotionally, it could escalate the situation and make it more difficult to resolve. Take a deep breath and try to remain objective, focusing on the facts rather than the person's behaviour.
Dr. Kelsey Crowe, a grief and empathy expert, emphasises the importance of staying calm and professional in difficult situations. According to Dr. Crowe, remaining calm can help to deescalate the situation and prevent things from getting out of hand. She recommends taking a few deep breaths or counting to ten before responding to help regulate your emotions.
2. Listen to Their Concerns
Difficult people often feel like they're not being heard, which can make them even more difficult to deal with. To defuse the situation, take the time to listen to their concerns and try to understand their point of view. Ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Even if you don't agree with them, listening can help build rapport and create a foundation for working together.
Dr. John M. Grohol, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Psych Central, emphasises the importance of active listening in communication. According to Dr. Grohol, active listening involves fully focusing on what the other person is saying, without interrupting or getting defensive. This can help to show the other person that you are taking their concerns seriously and may help to deescalate the situation.
3. Communicate Clearly
Clear communication is essential when dealing with difficult people. Be direct and to the point, but avoid being confrontational or aggressive. Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings, and avoid blaming or accusing language. For example, instead of saying, "You're always causing problems," you could say, "I feel frustrated when these issues come up repeatedly."
Dr. Mark Goulston, a psychiatrist and author of "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone," emphasises the importance of clear communication in resolving conflicts. According to Dr. Goulston, clear communication involves expressing your thoughts and feelings in a direct and honest manner, without blaming or attacking the other person. This can help to prevent misunderstandings and can facilitate problem-solving.
4. Find Common Ground
Look for areas of agreement or shared goals with the difficult person. By finding common ground, you can build a connection and work together more effectively. For example, you might both agree that the project needs to be completed on time, or that customer satisfaction is a top priority. Once you've identified shared goals, you can use them as a foundation for finding a solution.
Dr. Fran Walfish, a family and relationship psychotherapist, emphasises the importance of finding common ground in conflict resolution. According to Dr. Walfish, finding common ground can help to build a sense of teamwork and collaboration, rather than an "us vs. them" mentality. This can help to foster a more positive working relationship and may make it easier to find solutions to problems.
5. Set Boundaries
Sometimes, the behaviour of a difficult person is unacceptable or unprofessional. In these cases, it may be necessary to set boundaries. Be clear about what behaviour you will and will not tolerate, and communicate those boundaries in a calm and professional manner. For example, you might say, "I understand that you're frustrated. Please be mindful shouting at me is not acceptable, and communicate with me in a respectful tone."
Dr. Susan Biali Haas, a medical doctor and life coach, emphasises the importance of setting boundaries to protect your own well-being. According to Dr. Biali Haas, setting boundaries involves being clear about what you are and are not willing to tolerate from others, and being assertive in communicating those boundaries. This can help to prevent others from crossing your boundaries and can help to protect your mental health.
6. Involve a Third Party
If you've tried all of the above strategies and are still having difficulty dealing with a difficult person, it may be time to involve a third party. This could be a manager, HR representative, or even a mediator. A third party can provide an objective perspective and help find a resolution that works for everyone involved. It's important to approach this step with an open mind and a willingness to work together to find a solution.
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and author of "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids," emphasises the importance of seeking outside help in resolving conflicts. According to Dr. Markham, involving a third party can provide an objective perspective and can help to prevent the conflict from escalating. This may include seeking the help of a mediator, a therapist, or a manager.
Mental Health Strategies, Applied
Here's an example of how some of these strategies could be applied in a workplace scenario, using a scene from the TV show "The Office":
In an episode titled "Conflict Resolution," the characters of Jim and Dwight are experiencing a difficult working relationship. Jim has been playing pranks on Dwight, which Dwight finds unprofessional and frustrating. Jim, on the other hand, thinks that Dwight takes himself too seriously and needs to loosen up. Here's how some of the strategies we've discussed could be applied in this situation:
Stay Calm and Professional: Throughout the episode, Jim remains calm and collected, even when Dwight is shouting or becoming aggressive. He maintains a professional demeanour and tries to focus on finding a solution.
Listen to Their Concerns: When Dwight complains about Jim's behaviour, Jim takes the time to listen to his concerns and tries to understand why Dwight is so upset. He doesn't dismiss Dwight's feelings or try to argue with him.
Communicate Clearly: Jim tries to communicate his own thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct way. He explains that he thinks Dwight needs to lighten up and that he doesn't intend to cause any harm with his pranks.
Find Common Ground: Despite their differences, Jim and Dwight share a common goal of wanting to be successful in their jobs. By focusing on this shared goal, they are able to start working together more effectively.
Set Boundaries: Eventually, Jim realises that his pranks are causing more harm than good and decides to stop. He sets a boundary for himself and decides to act in a more professional manner going forward.
Involve a Third Party: In this episode, their manager Michael is the third party who gets involved to help mediate the situation. He brings the two employees together and helps them to find a solution that works for everyone.
Overall, the episode is a good example of how these strategies can be applied in a workplace setting to help resolve conflicts and improve working relationships.
Made Up Mind content should never be mistaken as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Information published to this website or by this brand is not a replacement for medical advice. Please consult qualified health or mental health professionals with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your mental health.
